Plays and Screenplays - Excerpts    

(DANNY is exhausted. He stumbles off the table and sprawls on the couch. He lifts the wine bottle to drink, but can't. He takes the phone and lays it across his face. SANDRA   listens to the echoes of her voice as she rocks back and forth.) SANDRA: I know it's true... what you're saying is  true. I just realized that, I just felt it. There hasn't been anything else.. Oh, some side effects from the drugs they give me,  you know? But nothing else... just that rotten feeling, that doubt! (she begins to pace.) I remember when I finally had the guts to face it, to tell people.. my mother, she almost dropped dead. She cried harder than I ever did. But then she started to look at me so funny.. So strange. It was like I was a little girl again and she had caught me doing something bad. And my girl friends... they were nice and tried to be comforting, but they started to fade away... like in a dream, you know, when you reach for someone and they keep backing off because they don't want you to touch them. I understood it, I thought.. .well, they're afraid of catching.. .they're just afraid! That's why I left work, my job, I loved it so much... but they made me feel so... guilty about myself, so lousy. (she stops moving) You're right.. that's what's happening, isn't it? (she realizes that he has been very quiet on the other end.) Danny? Are you still there? DANNY:   (after a moment) Yeah.   (She walks to the dresser, takes a cigarette and lights it. She moves to the bed, lies down, and drapes the phone at the side of her head. A long moment of silence passes.) SANDRA:  What's it like to be Gay? DANNY:   (laughing) You asked me that before. What's it like to be straight? SANDRA:  You're such a smart-ass. I told you I don't know, I never thought about it. DANNY:   It's good. It's beautiful. It's been hard sometimes... my parents, they don't talk to me. They always thought I was possessed  by a demon, that I was going right to hell. And my brother... the stupid fuck... he's a cop, you know. He beats his  wife and slaps his  kids around and tells me that I'm disturbed. (he sits up) What's it like? It's like being black! No, no that's wrong. Black people always know where they stand, they can't hide. It's more like... like being Jewish! That's it... it's like being Jewish. You can pass whenever you want to, but when they know who you are, it all changes. SANDRA:  What are you talking about? My father was Jewish. DANNY:  So what does that make you? SANDRA: I never felt like that. DANNY :  You're such a piece of white bread!                SANDRA:  And you're such a stuck up snot! DANNY:  You think I'm stuck up? You think I'm a snot? Look who thinks  her shit don't smell! SANDRA:  (getting flushed) What's the matter with you? You know, you have a very dirty... a very limited vocabulary. DANNY:  Well I'm truly too sorry. And what's the matter with you? Too uptight to express yourself? SANDRA: I don't need to use four-letter words all the time. DANNY:  Yeah I noticed. You grunt a lot, little two-letter grunts. SANDRA:  (flustered) How old are you? DANNY:  How old are you? SANDRA:  I asked you first. DANNY:  Old enough! And while we're at it, how tall are you? SANDRA:  Why? DANNY:  I bet you're short and fat. SANDRA:  I am not! DANNY:  Are you pretty? SANDRA:  I think so! DANNY:  You don't sound like it. SANDRA:  Neither do you. DANNY:  Oh yeah? SANDRA:  Yeah! DANNY:  Well I bet you I'm prettier than you are. SANDRA:  Oh yeah? DANNY:  Yeah! (A stiff silent moment goes by.) SANDRA:  Did you ever... dress up? You know, makeup, women's clothes? DANNY:  Sure...I love dressing up. Don't you? SANDRA:  Of course. All little girls... DANNY:  Don't you like dressing up in men's clothes? SANDRA:  Of course not! I'm not into that kind of thing. DANNY:  Wait a minute. What are you wearing now? SANDRA:  Now? I got on a pair of jeans and a big shirt... DANNY:  There you go, see? You love it! SANDRA:  Oh bullsh...! Everybody dresses like that.  It's okay. DANNY:  That's right. It's okay, it's acceptable. So what's the difference? Hey... I love being what I am. It's what I want to be. SANDRA: I don't believe that! I don't believe you ever wanted to go through what you... you know your brother's right, you are disturbed! DANNY:   (angrily) Hey look, Sandy...                SANDRA:  (sharply) Don't call me that! DANNY:   (jumps to his  feet) Sah-ndra! You want to know what it's like? It's like being a woman! Sure, we're two of a kind. SANDRA:   (sitting up) What? DANNY:  That's right, honey! SANDRA:   (angrily) And don't call me that either! It sounds like you're sticking your tongue in my ear. I hate it! DANNY:  See? Two of a kind... we've both been in the closet. We both have to paint our faces so that people won't ignore us. We're both disposable. They tell dirty jokes about us... SANDRA:  I don't buy that, not for a minute. I'm not like you... not for a minute! DANNY:  Oh yeah? We're both minorities, second class... SANDRA:   (her voice rises) Women are not a minority! Where have you been? Women are right up front... strong... DANNY:  Yeah? With your stockings and your babies and your little red lips. SANDRA:   (yelling louder) That's right! The natural way, with love. Something you'll never have! DANNY:   (yelling louder) You mean lying on your back, huffing and puffing? SANDRA:  Go f... DANNY:  Why can't you say it? Go ahead! SANDRA:  Go fuck yourself! DANNY:  That's right, HONEY,  Go fuck yourself!   (They both hang up. They both stand for a moment, seething. Then they both pick up their phones and punch in numbers. They both hang up.) BOTH:  It's busy! DANNY:  I bet she's calling her girlfriends! SANDRA: I bet he's calling his boyfriends!   (They both pick up their phones and punch in numbers. They both hang up.) BOTH:  It's busy! DANNY: I don't need this ! SANDRA:  I don't need this !   (They both pick up their phones and punch in numbers. They both hang up.) BOTH:  It's goddamn busy! DANNY:  Forget it!   (He throws  his phone on the table. She grabs her phone and quickly punches in a number.DANNY's phone rings. He looks at it, then grabs it and turns it on.)  ©2005 Arthur Meiselman

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The scene is light, airy. The setting is suggestive: a suspended window frame with a piece of curtain draped over it, a free standing door-frame, scattered abstract shapes such as cubes, half-spheres, and small pillars. The actors move these objects at will for quick scene shifts. The lighting is direct: shafts of pale blue and pale yellow. The mood is urgent, shimmering. (HE steps downstage and leans against a cube. He speaks to the audience quickly, with urgent excitement.) HE: Listen...when I first saw her, I closed my eyes so fast that my teeth clamped shut and I bit my tongue. Then I opened them wide and she wasn't there. But I could hear her, moving somewhere behind me. I could hear the whisper of her dress and the sun was so warm... . Look at me...I sat there with my eyes like little white balloons and my mouth open with a little sticky dribble on my lower lip...a Venus Fly Trap and that butterfly just floated around my leaves. (HE laughs. SHE appears upstage, moving quietly, lightly.) Then I said to myself: Wait a minute! What the hell's wrong with you? It's 7 a.m.... 7 a.m. in the morning. Here I am out in the park at 7 a.m.! Me...breathing clean Spring air. Me...a New York Night-Owl finally going bananas with all the little hustly-bustly going-to-work people, the cleaning ladies and the bank guards. I haven't been out in this bright-simple-just-keep-moving-along time of day in...months, years, decades. Why shouldn't I be crazy? Why shouldn't I go bananas? (HE chortles like a monkey. SHE dances around him, smiles at him, plays an invisible flute which he hears.) I'm telling you I didn't know what to say. What do you say to...? How do you do? Do I know you? I bet you're...! (HE sits.) I just sat down and scratched my neck and mumbled into my other hand: I'll just ignore her. Some kind of kook, high on something. (Jumps up.) No, no, you see, it wasn't like that. It wasn't like that at all. Because I could feel her...around me and on me...you know? So I just got up and walked away. I mean, what would you do? And she followed me. (SHE does.) HE : And I, uh...stopped and looked at her. And she looked at me and smiled. And I took off. I just sort of jogged off, over a little hill. And down there by the trees...there she was. I almost ran right up to her and...but I didn't. Because I haven't jogged like that in years. I just stood there, puffing, holding my pants up. That was pretty strange. I'm glad there weren't any cops around. So I closed my eyes again, got my wind back. Now my head was clear, I knew I could open my eyes. But when I did, she was standing right in front of me, looking at my face. And...and I was so shocked, I staggered off backwards and fell down. (HE does. SHE comes over to help.) Hey, no, no...I'm okay. (HE stands.) Now, just...why don't you just go on your way. Come on, let me... (SHE begins to move around him in circles, gently touching him. HE turns with her slowly, becoming dizzy.) What are you doing that for? Hey, stop that! Now look... (SHE rubs up against him. HE moans.) Do you know what she just did with her hand? Right up my back like a warm piece of fur. I had to sit down. I thought to myself: I'm having some kind of seizure. Cold sweat, can't breathe. I wish I could stand up and walk away. But I couldn't. I was shaking, my hands were wet. I thought: I'll talk to her. There's nothing wrong. I won't do anything. What'll I say? I can't get into trouble. I mean, it's a little strange but...Hello! (SHE props herself next to him.) What's your name? (SHE smiles. HE laughs.) Why are you doing all...all of this? I mean, I don't mind, but isn't it a little strange, dangerous to come to someone and just...take up with him? (SHE smiles.) You haven't told me your name. Can't you talk? (SHE touches his face.) Is there something wrong? Can I help? (SHE touches his hair.) HE: Where do you live? (SHE hugs him. HE jumps up. SHE looks at him. HE sits down again.) I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...uh, jump like that. (SHE puts her head on his shoulder.) You're very lovely. (HE jumps again and walks down toward the audience.) I don't know why I said that. I didn't know what was happening. Look at me! I'm as particular and precise and pragmatic as any of you. And my eyes, my eyes blink...because I hear her and feel her and watch her move through me like air into my mouth. I didn't know what was happening, so I said goodbye. ( To SHE .) Goodbye! (HE walks away.) And listen... she followed me. (SHE does.) All the way to my place. We walked 72 blocks. Can you believe it? That's 7 a.m. in the morning for you. Only a few people noticed us, but I didn't care. I don't really care. (To SHE .) Do you? Aren't you tired? I wish you'd say something. I wish I could hear how sweet your voice sounds. I wish you'd stop following me. I wish you'd go away! (SHE stops and looks at him.) No, wait a minute. I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that. (SHE begins to dance around him again. HE moans.) She's doing it again. I do know why I said it. (To audience.) You see, I'm a man of the world, an entrepreneur of life. I know why I do everything. I'm a thinker and a man of action.  (To SHE .) Look! See, I'm home. I--have--to--go--in--now. Understand? Ho-ome. This is where I live. You--have--to--go--home--now--too. Okay? (HE moves upstairs. SHE follows.) It was as if she were holding on to my coat and I was just floating into my apartment. So I closed my eyes again, unlocked the door, shot inside and slammed the door shut. Then I opened my eyes and looked around. Now wait a minute, don't laugh. You have to understand the mood. I really expected her to appear, to be right in my living room. She wasn't. (HE laughs and sits.) But I could still feel her warmth trailing across my lips as she danced around me. I could still hear her and smell her skin...her skin! So just for the hell of it I went back and opened the door. You're really still there. (SHE is.) You really don't want to go home. (SHE runs into his arms, then dances into the room. HE quickly shuts the door and latches all four locks.) You are very beautiful! (Steps to the audience.) There, see, I said it again. I couldn't help myself. Just think about what's happened and you'll understand the state of my mind. If you knew me well, you'd be amazed. Me...of the always-in-control-always-calculating-breed-of-successful-New-Yorkers...with fingernails of steel and a tongue of ice. Help me, try to understand. It's clear isn't it? I was walking in a mist and the shadows were friendly and loving. I was standing naked in Central Park and only she could see me. I was a reflection in a mirror looking out at myself.  I thought-- so what? I thought--what the hell! I said--would you like something? Coffee, or maybe tea, a nice, organic, herbal tea? She just smiles at me, and touches me, and I want to kiss her. Let's sit down. (SHE curls up next to him and helps him take off his coat.) How about a drink? Yes...wine! A nice, easy, rosé wine. (HE gets a bottle and glasses, pours the wine. SHE takes the glass and puts it to his lips. They laugh silently. Then SHE takes his hand and pulls him up. They begin to whirl slowly, holding the glasses high.) HE: It became delirious as if we were sipping wine from the moment we met. (Singing out loudly.) I know what's happening. I know what I feel. I know that you're taking me and I'm taking you. We're flying toward that bedroom...and soon that bedroom will be full of... (HE stops.) Mygod! The bedroom is already full! ©2005 Arthur Meiselman

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